s. bells

I should really be studying...

Arthritic claws

One day my slender fingers and squared off hands will cease to have so many angles. They’ll become fat with age and arthritis and will stop doing all the things I want them to do. I’ll try to hold your hand like we used to and won’t be able to apply the appropriate amount of pressure and, knowing you and how you are, you’ll laugh, but in a gentle way, and say how we’ve gotten old. How time changes everything and do I remember when we were so young? We’ll talk about the bands we grew up with and laugh about what ‘kids these days’ think pass for music. We’ll look back on shows we saw and think of how fearless we were, even though we were never fearless. We’ll take walks around the block, you holding my arthritic claw, and we’ll make up the details to stories we’ve partially forgotten, trying to separate who we saw when and where. We’ll be able to laugh about personal failures now that they’re decades in the past where they can no longer touch us. Nights spent curled under huge piles of blankets, since the uninsulated walls let the winter in, will no longer carry the frost they like they used to. We’ll forget the cold room and fondly remember the warmth of those blankets. We’ll forget about the bickering and remember the laughter. We can ignore forever all the tiny ways we’ve disappointed each other through all those years and only recall that it was worth it.

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